What we know now ❤

We saw him exhibit in his words and actions...

GUILT
SHAME
SELF-LOATHING
DESPAIR
LOSS OF DIRECTION
FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY
FEELING LIKE HE WAS A CONSTANT BURDEN/DISAPPOINTMENT (although he absolutely was not)

He sometimes said things like...

“Can’t they give me some happy pills”

“I suffer from depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts”

“I thought about driving my car into a building”

“I thought about driving my car off of a cliff”

“I just needed to clear my head”

On his good days he told us...

He could never take his own life.  We believed him.

On his bad days he told us...

He thought about ending his life.  We didn’t believe him.

He, like many others, thought marijuana was the answer - but found out it was not.  He was also informed during his first & only counseling session that long-term marijuana use requires special therapy classes when a person decides to quit.

He said he wasn’t sleeping much.

We noticed him losing interest in activities he had previously loved.

The doctors took his word for how he was feeling.

The doctors thought our strong family support could protect/save him from himself.

No lab tests/brain scans were performed.

No medicine was ever prescribed.

He took the initiative to schedule future appointments with a therapist.

He was handsome and charming and smart, characteristics that could easily fool anyone into thinking he was completely healthy.

Sometimes when he wasn’t at home, school, work, or someplace he was supposed to be - he was sitting alone at strange places: random bus stops, the cemetery, the attic.  Every once in a while he would be away for 1 or more days at a time. We didn’t always know where he disappeared to, we were just relieved that he had returned.

He was raised by a wonderful God-fearing two-parent family that absolutely adored him.

If you have a splitting headache, you can’t really listen to good advice.  We’re not ashamed to take ibuprofen or aspirin to manage pain. Maybe the right dose of prescription mood medicine could have calmed him enough so that he was able to feel our love.